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Bada Bing and a Boom
Jul. 18th, 2009 | 11:44 pm
Livejournal has seriously undergone a good deal of re-vamping since I was on here last. (Or at least there's a good deal more ads anyway).
My love life isn't as interesting as either of baobei's or beybey's. Truth is, I've stayed away from dating most of my life. Is it weird that I have never had a serious boyfriend before? Or, for that matter, I've never once had the whole oh-be-still-my-fluttering-heart emotion?
I think I'll qualify myself as being level-headed. Hehe. I don't crush and I don't fall in love. I know, I've still dated before, called some guys boyfriends (although always as their insistance. What can I say? I was young, weak, stupid, and in capable of saying the words: "Um. No. Sorry). But, to be honest, none of them were truly someone that I could call a significant other.
I hold everyone at armslength away. I mean, I cannot tell you how many of them complain about feeling shut out by me. I'm not entirely sure where this stems from. I haven't had a heartbreak that touch me deep enough to warrant this type of guard. And I'm not sure what it is that allows me to walk so easily away from someone and just never look back. I've always said that it's important to be okay being single before you can be in a healthy relationship, and I do believe in that. But...
On one hand, it saves me a good deal of pain. On the other, it sucks to not be able to let myself down enough to rely on another person. It can get tiresome. And trust me, the loneliness get get to you sometimes. Human are social creatures by nature. No matter how use to it you may think you are, loneliness still manage to find a way that get to you from time to time. The frequency of it may decrease, but it's still there.
What am I doing now, then? I have to keep walking away. I know what's going on with me and I know that I'm not at all ready for relationships. Not right now. I can't afford to drag anyone else with me into this current mess and I need to be sure of what I want myself first before jumping in headfirst and involving someone else's emotions. I dislike dramas. I tend to stay away from it and avoid creating any.
Still, it's something that I hope that I can work on, because having this guard up, keeping myself distance, whether or not it's intentional, it's wearing me down. And it really sucks that I'll have to keep walking away for the next few years.
My love life isn't as interesting as either of baobei's or beybey's. Truth is, I've stayed away from dating most of my life. Is it weird that I have never had a serious boyfriend before? Or, for that matter, I've never once had the whole oh-be-still-my-fluttering-heart emotion?
I think I'll qualify myself as being level-headed. Hehe. I don't crush and I don't fall in love. I know, I've still dated before, called some guys boyfriends (although always as their insistance. What can I say? I was young, weak, stupid, and in capable of saying the words: "Um. No. Sorry). But, to be honest, none of them were truly someone that I could call a significant other.
I hold everyone at armslength away. I mean, I cannot tell you how many of them complain about feeling shut out by me. I'm not entirely sure where this stems from. I haven't had a heartbreak that touch me deep enough to warrant this type of guard. And I'm not sure what it is that allows me to walk so easily away from someone and just never look back. I've always said that it's important to be okay being single before you can be in a healthy relationship, and I do believe in that. But...
On one hand, it saves me a good deal of pain. On the other, it sucks to not be able to let myself down enough to rely on another person. It can get tiresome. And trust me, the loneliness get get to you sometimes. Human are social creatures by nature. No matter how use to it you may think you are, loneliness still manage to find a way that get to you from time to time. The frequency of it may decrease, but it's still there.
What am I doing now, then? I have to keep walking away. I know what's going on with me and I know that I'm not at all ready for relationships. Not right now. I can't afford to drag anyone else with me into this current mess and I need to be sure of what I want myself first before jumping in headfirst and involving someone else's emotions. I dislike dramas. I tend to stay away from it and avoid creating any.
Still, it's something that I hope that I can work on, because having this guard up, keeping myself distance, whether or not it's intentional, it's wearing me down. And it really sucks that I'll have to keep walking away for the next few years.
